Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Hmmm... Not the way I'd planned to spend the day but not altogether unexpected.

For years we have joked that every time I visited from Japan my mother would get sick. In the last couple years it has been a couple of times while I was here always entailing a trip to Urgent Care or the Emergency Room. And, in the past couple of years Marcy and Keion end up taking her there a few times a year the last time ending up for an eight day stay.

Last night, Mother was feeling sick so Marcy gave her some nausea medication (always keep it on hand) and by night she seemed better. Today Marcy and the kids had a trip to the beach scheduled but I bowed out thinking I'd do some cleaning, some washing, and be around "just in case". Well, the just in case came true. At 10:00 Mom's not perking much, at 12:00 she's downright sick and I panic! I'm really terrible at this. My instinct is to call for help! Call Marcy on the cell phone. Nope, she's not answering. So I grab Mom's purse, a towel, her medication and Mom herself and take off wildly headed for the Emergency Room! (I'd spent a night with her there last summer.) Once on the streets though, I realized that it was noon, it wasn't a Sunday, Urgent Care would be open so I switched directions.

Urgent Care was packed so we waited and waited with Mom groaning and her head wobbling here and there. Finally after an hour or so we get some action and I won't go into all the details. We stayed for 5 hours and after much prodding and needle pokes and tests etc. we are home and Mom is in bed not looking that much better but at least she's been checked and has been given some shots. I have a headache.

I don't know what I want. I'd like Mom to be her rather proper, ladylike self, always a bit absent minded but quite high on the uptake usually. This is changing. She asks the same questions. She tells me the same things. Embarrassing body functions she hardly realizes are happening. She isn't interested in my Blog!

You may think, "my how egocentric Tanya is!" but truly, there was a time when she absolutely loved my letters, showing them to people, telling me I should write a book someday. Over the past few months I'd ask her if she'd read my blog and always the answer would come back.
"What's a blog?"
"Ask Keion to show it to you. I write almost everyday about my life. It's like my letters to you and better yet, it always has pictures!"
But every week we'd start the same conversation "What's a blog?"

When I got here and showed it to her she seemed so surprised though Marcy had said they had showed it to her before. But she found it hard to concentrate on the computer screen, so I read a few posts, but not really that much interest.
"Oh, she's really aged!" a light seemed to flash in my head.
I'm taking a risk writing this here in case some lucidity returns and she suddenly wants to read my blog! Boy, will I be in trouble!

Ah well... All part of life...

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."
John 14:1-3


Katie said...

I understand completely what you are saying. It's so hard when your parents start to change. It tears your heart out. Sigh.

Ulla said...

Dear Tanya

Time changes and you are in a way your mothers mother and not a "child" any more.And as Katie writes it's a time of sadness when you see your mother slowly leaving you.Take care of every minute.
Ulla in the north of Sweden

Quilt Pixie said...

It is true, whether ready for the transition or not, it is hard when we realize our parents aren't doing as well as they were... I hope you can enjoy the person she's becoming, and find new ways to connect...

Mary said...

Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean.

rumi said...

For your mother, Being with you must have been comforting. Please take good care of your mother while you are in her home. And take care of yourself,too.

anne bebbington said...

It's a very painful moment when you realise that your parent has effectively turned into your child and you become the parent - sadly in this modern age because we are all geographically so far flung the challenges of caring for aging parents are that much greater - I hope you enjoy some lucidity from her whilst you're there Tanya - it must be so hard as the deterioration will seem so much more acute if you haven't seen her for a while

JudyL said...

Tonya, I see my parents 3 or 4 times a year and even going just those few months between visits, I see so many changes. When it's time for me to leave, I usually back away from their home and burst into tears -- just wondering about the changes I will see the next time I am there.

I'm sad for them but I'm also sad for me -- losing them a little more each day.

So, I feel your sadness about your mom. I hope she does perk up a bit and is able to enjoy your visit.

Beth said...

I hope your mom is feeling better today. I am at just about the same place as you are. Both of my parents are still pretty "with it" but having watched my wonderful mother-in-law slowly leave us in spirit, I watch them pretty closely. I will keep you both in my prayers