Saturday, November 03, 2007

"Good Morning!"

A while back, Judy L. wrote in her blog about the way she's noticed that children are not as cheerful and happy-go-lucky as they once were. This was very interesting to me because I thought this was a Japanese problem and not a universal one. I've noticed as the years go by, that the children I meet daily seem bored with life and they just drift along with no plans and no dreams for the future. I'm not sure if I was a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed child myself, but from my "many years" of observation, something just doesn't seem right...

Every morning I go down to the neighborhood entrance and spend about 30 minutes being a crosswalk guard. I've done this for more than 6 years now and I'd say I know the kids in my neighborhood pretty well and they all know me. Just because I'm the only American for miles around, all the kids know who I am, where I live and that I'm from the States. A couple of them come for English, but not all. Every morning, I'm standing out at the crosswalk with a little yellow flag, stopping cars and greeting the children in both English and Japanese. I'm not some stranger!

"Good morning! Ohayou gozaimasu! Have a good day! Kiostukete kudasai!" (be careful).

I'm almost embarraseed to tattle-tale on these kids to you, but do you know, not more than three or four of them say anything back to me or even ackowledge that I am standing there. What is so hard about saying hello to someone? Instead they all plod along, looking at their feet and they act like they're headed to the gallows or something. No smiles, no chatting, no expectations for the day.

This is not just true of grade school kids. On our walks in the morning, Tetsu and I greet the high school kids going to the station by bicycle. Most of them ride by without a glance in our direction let alone a simple reply to our greetings. It makes you want to grab the handelbars of their bicycles and say,

"Look at me! I exist! What do you lose by saying hello to me?"

Of course I never have, but I have repeated myself very loudly and gotten a startled nod though it only worked the first time. Every day the same kids go by and every day they ignore us completely. Some of the cute little jr. high girls are so pretty...if only they'd smile... Someone should tell them that a smile will make up for however many hundreds of dollars they may someday spend on make-up.

I have often heard parents and teachers say, "We want to raise children who will be able to say hello to people." That always seemed like such a low goal to aim for. Say hello. Everyone says hello. Or so I thought. Nowadays I'm really feeling that there needs to be a "Say Hello Campaign" in our area (and there are some schools in Japan that really have such a thing!) It's true though that even some of my neighbors will refuse to exchange a greeting with anyone so the children are learning this behavior or lack of it from the adults around them.

I guess I'm just wondering what I can do about the situation in my corner of the world. I can't grab kids and make them smile and say hello. I can't change whatever it is that they are feeling or thinking that makes their outlook on life seem so dismal. I doubt scolding would help and tattling to the parents or the school seems like a good way to make them gloomier. For now, I'll just go out there and say "Good morning!" as always and maybe years down the line some child will remember and think, "Hey, that nutty American lady's smile made the day a little brighter. Maybe I'll try that too."

12 comments:

LaurieG said...

How about filling your pockets with little treats, and then when a child says hello or smiles back, say "You're the first person I've seen smile today" or "You're so polite to say hello back" and give them a treat. Hopefully others will see, and it will catch on. Pavlov really did know what he was talking about, and pretty soon it could become a habit.

Quilt Pixie said...

One of the things I think is going on for the children I know is they are expected, in so many ways, to cope with life like small adults -- they know things about their family finances, the marriage arguments, the y hear the doom and gloom world and local news, they are bombarded by messages that say things are worse then they used to be --> they've lost the art of being a child, of being care-free as they are so care-ful...

harts4Him said...

You are making a difference! Don't stop trying to inspire young ones with a smile and a hello. It may be the only one they see all day!
Vanessa

Mary said...

I'm not around children much these days but it drives me nutty when I'm in a store and a cashier doesn't even look at me or speak to me when ringing up my purchases.

My youngest son Adam was always quiet and a bit of a mumbler. He had a number of learning disabilities and eye contact was always a challenge for him. I remember holding his face in my hands to get him to look at me when we were talking. Keith and I laughed our heads off when he was made to be a greeter at the grocery store where he had his first job. He turned out to be a very polite young man but it was a challenge!

anne bebbington said...

You know Tanya - you're absolutely right. I have always found a smile and a 'good morning' work wonders. However kids in this country have the 'Don't talk to strangers' message drilled into them and rightly so - it is a bit of a challenge to work out the best way to change things

Shelina said...

Hey your sign is cuter than ours!
I think that kids and people in general have forgotten how to get along with other people. They are so used to television and video games where they are entertained without having to reciprocate that they forget that they are supposed to.
I just read an editorial that talked about how kids aren't allowed to run at recess (liability issus). In this day and age, we've stifled our children into this state.

Kim W said...

I think kids nowadays are often responding to how they're treated by adults. My 14 yo DD has magenta and teal hair and dresses somewhat differently. Yet she's outgoing and smiles and says hi to people all the time but they usually rush away without responding. The other day an elderly woman smiled back at her and said hi making my DD's whole day. Keep up what you're doing, you might be making some child's day special.

Marcie said...

The last few years I have been saying that I am becoming invisable. Young people especially only have themselves and their friends on their minds. I know I was that way at their age, so I don't take offense. Just keep smiling Tanya. I think you touch more people than you know!

teodo said...

Ciao,
yes Tanya this happens everywhere........
and I think that it is because now everyone thinks only about himself and doesn't wish to comunicate with the others. The reason is the frenetic life that they live and it influences children.
ciao, ciao

meggie said...

We were always taught to be polite, & greet people. We taught our kids the same. I have noticed how silent many children are these days.

Quilt crazy said...

One other reason, at least here in the states, may be the hyper focus on stranger dangers, which leads some children to be so fearful of strangers...perhaps overdone!

carrie said...

I always thought it was the local teens not wanting to talk to someone they are going to see in school later in the day!

Although I do remember making a point of smiling and greeting everyone I met one day, and getting rather startled looks and mumbles from grown-ups. That would have been getting on for 40 years ago!