"Oh, fine, fine. Keeping busy!"
Somewhere in the back of my head I equated that with
"Fine, fine. I'm so necessary to life that I don't have a minute for myself. Aren't I wonderful?"
Many, many, many years ago I remember a young missionary in Japan bemoaning the fact that some of the older missionaries were always "busy" and they reveled in their busyness. The younger man just didn't have a lot to do yet. He still didn't speak much Japanese and the churches who called for him to speak were in a ways doing him a favor... The veteran missionaries were running from church to church giving Bible studies, preaching the morning sermon, attending ladies' meetings and teaching Sunday School.
"It's not all that virtuous being busy! It doesn't leave time for the smaller things!"
Now I'm in Southern California which might be ranked as one of the most schedule-packed, race-about cultures in the world. Fast freeways, fast food and instant communication. Everyone is busy. Except for me... Except for Grandma. The two of us sit here and look at each other. Grandma's conversation leaves a little to be desired, not that she doesn't try. It's just at about the third cycle of repetitions I start answering in grunts.
I wonder if this is how dementia grows. It is like the chicken and the egg theory. Is it because my mother has nothing to do that she can no longer concentrate on things around her? Or is it because she can no longer concentrate that she has nothing to do? She used to love jig-saw puzzles but the one Marcy and Keion gave her for Christmas was dusty and fading on the cardboard table when I got here with only the edges completed. She has lost interest in that completely.
My mother used to love to read and her early retirement days would be spent reading book after book with each title written down carefully in a notebook along with the starting and ending date. This year she takes no interest in books and though I cajoled her into joining me on a trip to the library she wasn't interested in looking at the bookshelves.
As for me, I am also a great devourer of books (when I can get them) and I'm already finished with the books I checked out at the library. I've read my Kindle.
"What's that?"
"It's called a Kindle. I can read books in it. Do you want to try?"
"Do you mean to tell me there's a whole book in that thing? How can that be? Where are the pages?"
Some things are just too hard to explain and I don't even understand them myself!
Yesterday I sat around thinking how I would be in seventh heaven if I had all this time and a quilt to work on. So dumb not to have brought more sewing. Marcy gives me access to her cars but I only feel comfortable driving one of them. So I sat "un-busy".
I suppose I could pray. I am always too busy to do that. Or write letters. (e-mails are out. The Internet doesn't work in my mother's house.) Thank goodness my mother has never had a TV. I don't think I could sit and watch that all day without losing some of my brain cells too. Not too much cleaning to do this year..."What'cha reading, Mother?"
"I don't know..."
I'm going to JoAnn's today...
10 comments:
find a quilt store or three and have a good look and take your mother to sit in some chair and she can look around her. It is good for them to go out, it is just hard to find places to go and be able to walk from the parking lot to the store.
What about singing? the old songs that she may still be able to pull from memory....
My uncle bob was an architech and when he could no longer reconize his daughter, the two of them use to sit and draw.... each their own project but "together".
It is not easy, but making the best of it with humor is a prayer to God.
What about the books that are on cassettes or CD's? I have checkled those out from the library before. We listened during a long car ride.
You can't fix it in a few weeks! You will be back to Japan before you know it!
As people grow older, they become like children and sometimes you have to take care of them like they are. You have to encourage them, entice them to do/try new things in small steps. Set small goals on a day to day basis. I managed to entice my almost 70yr old aunt to try sudoku on my visit home. I did sudoku every morning after breakfast in the living room. At first she was wondering what on earth I was doing, then I explained the rules and strategy and she picked it up after I left because she told me she missed me very much. I was very surprised cos she never tried it when I was home and told me it was too hard for her.
Tanya, if you're not comfortable driving, get your son, or someone to drive you to JoAnn's TODAY and buy fabric...golly girl, you've GOT to have it!! I'm already planning what to take craft/sewing wise when we go on the cruise in October, what to take, how much to push into that carry-on :) BTW, my old e-mail is safe to use again. My brother-in-law asked me the other day how/why did Mr. Ohki get to Columbia City. So I loved telling the story again!! I'm going to be talking soon to a lady who took an art class with Grandfather & get her impressions/thoughts, etc...so you see, my research hasn't stopped, even tho I'm working on other projects :) And I love it when someone asks me questions about Grandfather!! Are you going to be able to work a trip to Columbia City during your stateside time? Sure would love to meet you and show you around. Please tell Leiya that Judge & Mrs. R. asked about her last week when we saw them at a concert. We are experienceing very hot & humid weather right now. Greetings and blessings to all your family...and stitch on, my friend, stitch on...hugs, Pat in IN
Hope you fall in love with some fabrics and find a quilt pattern you've been looking for. Have fun!
Sometimes tranquillity is the best thing, though it's best balanced with periods of activity. When I was working full time I never had time to be tranquil and quiet and it did me no good at all. It's taken me three years of retirement to begin to feel well again, and now I revel in the tranquillity of my life, the lack of deadlines and pressure. But keeping your brain active is still important, so quilting, puzzles, singing, conversations are still important. But perhaps your mother has just reached the age where everything is just too much effort and she needs to be quiet. It happens to so many of us eventually.
Oh, Dear Tanya, It is so easy for people to make suggestions, but often, when a loved one has dementia it is so hard to keep trying.
I do hope you find some lovely project to keep you happy and busy. Thinking of you with loveXX
Hi Tanya,
The Long Beach International Quilt Festival starts this Thursday, July 22 through July 25. I hope you get to go and enjoy the quilt show and shopping extravaganza! Maybe you will find a few projects/kits at the show.
I got my 73 y.o. dad a subscription to Netflix. He enjoys picking out movies to watch and not having to drive to the store to return them. Often, he'll pick a few movies from the 50s and 60s and love to reminisce about them.
IS there virtue in being busy? I don't know....I think of Mary and Martha, and how Mary just sat at Jesus' feet. And how the best way to get Christians' focus off the Lord is to keep them too busy to think about Him.
Enjoy these days with your mum, hon.
Post a Comment