A few years ago at age 53, Hajime passed away and the fraility of life really struck Tetsu. Although we went to a memorial service for Hajime in Morika where we all had originally met, there was a delay about a grave site and where the ashes were to be interred. Hajime's mother now lived alone in the city. Hajime's second wife lived overseas... Last year when Tetsu and I visited Morioka, one of the things he wanted to do was visit Hajime's grave but when Tetsu called Hajime's mother, she told us that the grave was somewhere in another prefecture near Tokyo.
Then around New Years, Hajime's mother sent Tetsu a letter with directions to the cemetery and the family grave... and Tetsu's been talking about making the trek to visit the grave.
This is when I think my husband is VERY Japanese. I'm afraid I'm not a big fan of grave visiting but it seemed important to him... Okay, let's make a day of it.
We drove to the prefecture closer to Tokyo, yesterday morning. We were invited to caravan with our friends the Sugas, to Costco and we bought coffee and nuts and sweet rolls etc. From Costco Tetsu and I said goodbye to the Sugas, set up our GPS and headed for the cemetery around 2:30.
Well, what looks like close on the map is FAR in the car and besides we were driving through a lot more metropolis than we see in Nikko. The day had started windy and turned stormy with rain coming down in sheets. Two hours later, just when the rain was letting up, we arrived at the cemetery.No one was there and Tetsu reported that he didn't have the foggiest ideas of where Hajime's grave might be.
"I thought there would be a caretaker or a directory or something."
Instead, there was only a grey sky with clouds billowing across it and the wind howling through the high tension wires overhead.
"Tetsu, this isn't a little cemetery. Are you suggesting we wander down the rows and LOOK for the gravestone?"
Yes, he was...
So Tetsu took one side and I took the other.
"By the way, I'm not sure if it is a family grave or maybe Hajime's second wife's family grave. In which case it might not be marked with Hajime's last name."
This is worse than looking for a needle in a haystack! Okay, so now you want me to look BEHIND the gravestones for a small engraved name. And to make it more challenging, the name might have a special Buddhist name in front of it... And you expect ME, with limited Japanese reading ability to help you on this quest?After about 20 minutes of wandering, when passing Tetsu in one of the rows I expressed the opinion that we needed help.
"Don't you know his mother's telephone number? Can't you call and ask her WHERE the grave is?"
"Oh... yeah, maybe I have her number in my cell phone."
So Tetsu called Hajime's mother in Morioka. And she was OVERJOYED TO TEARS that Tetsu was making the effort to find Hajime's grave. Tetsu reported back to me that the stone was tall, and black, and had the family name on it (well that's a relief) and was to the left of a water faucet area.
"But whether she means left of the water faucet near the entrance or left of the water faucet near the parking lot... she wasn't sure. She's 88 you know."
So Tetsu and I kept on looking.
In some ways it was a little eerie wandering around basically alone in a deserted cemetery as the wind howled and evening began to fall... But I was on a mission! A few times when Tetsu crossed my path he asked if I wasn't too cold and if I wanted to give up. Not until it gets too dark to look! We'd come all this way, I couldn't see that we would ever be in this area ever again. It was now or never!
It was after 6:00 when I stumbled upon the gravestone.
"I FOUND IT!!!"Tetsu was thrilled and immediately called Hajime's mother back to let her know we'd been able to visit the grave after all. More tears on Hajime's mother's part and a sense of fulfillment for me!
"Great job, Tanya! I was so worried that I'd have to tell her we couldn't locate it."
I came home really energized from completing our mission successfully.
16 comments:
That is such a nice story Tanya!
Tetsu must have been so comforted in finally going there to be near his friend. Toni
I guess I was Japanese in another life because I like to visit graves too. :) I'm so glad you were able to find Tetsu's friend. What an adventure! A Japanese cemetery is quite different from an American one. I guess you drove all the way home that same night?
I like wandering around in cemeteries, it's always such a peaceful feeling...not spooky at all like some people think. Maybe it's because I do genealogy and deal with dead people all the time. :)
To his mother, it means that someone still cares, after all this time. That is important in itself. Glad you found it.
I love your stories. They are so wonderful.
That was quite a journey! Glad you were smart enough to think of calling Hajime's mother and stubborn enough to continue the mission to completion :)
That must have been like looking for a needle in a haystack - I'm so glad you were able to find it, Tanya!
You certainly couldn't have picked a worse day! March did NOT go out like a lamb.
I enjoy visiting cemeteries. Such history. This reminds me of stopping at a small church cemetery to look for my great grandma years ago. The boys were little, it was winter and not very nice. They scattered and looked. We found the graves and took pictures...just like your pictures!
Great story! I sympathize with your mission. I once tried to find the grave of an ancestor in an old cemmetery on Cape Cod. Fortunately, it was not a hugh cemetery and I deducted that since he died in the 1700's it would be in the old part of the cemetery and found it. It was not raining or nasty, though! What an adventure for you!
How great that you were able to find it! It can be so hard to find a grave when you don't know where it is even if you know the cemetery!
I had no clue where my Mother's parents were buried, but I knew it was in my city because I attended the funeral and burial when I was a child. I still remember my Mom telling me how important it was to behave and sit quietly (which I did) that day. Grandpa had lived with us so I knew him well before he died.
A few years ago after My Honey and I found my father's parents' graves in another state, I started to inquire about my other grandparents. One aunt remained alive so I went to the source to get a partial name of the cemetery. I discovered the cemetery was within 15 minutes of my current home, but when I went there with my brother, we couldn't find the grave. The surname was very common and we couldn't find even one of those. So, another phone call to the daughter of the aunt who was deaf and blind. The information managed to be relayed. My aunt held a paper and pen and drew directions to the grave inside the cemetery. We found it! It's amazing, isn't it, to be able to find lost loved ones. Sadly, within one month, the aunt died.
I loved reading your story. It is so very special.
Sunday hugs,
Lois
I love reading all your adventures. You do make them adventures, even if it is dog walk 4,674 you find a story.
And this story is special and gives pleasure to the mom and three times as Tetsu talked to her each time. And a sense of satisfaction to you and Tetsu. I have never seen a black monument... very good looking.
I'm so glad there was a successful ending to your quest. Can you tell us about the wooden stakes with writing that are behind the black marker? Are they temporary markers perhaps?
Visiting cemeteries is a very Southern thing too. My mother's family meets yearly for a reunion and goes up to the family cemetery, where they sing hymns, reminisce about those passed, and visit with one another. As a matter of fact, mom and I were going to her father's family cemetery last week when I visited but we didn't have time because I was helping her with landscaping work.
Another thought: (my, this comment is getting long!) I see the little flower vases on the base of the marker. Who keeps them filled if there is no family close by? Mom and I have talked about that and we feel that if you have a marker with flower vases built in, it's so sad looking when they sit empty for lack of attention, or the flowers have wilted (or disintegrated if artificial). I see that a lot at the family cemetery. Better no flowers at all than that sad display. But, in truth, my family is not a big "bring flowers to the cemetery" sort, unless it's Memorial Day.
Sounds like a difficult day...Glad you found the stone and were able to pay your respects.
A very touching story, Tanya..and I'm glad you saw it thru to the end..it was a nice thing to do for Tetsu..and I'm sure he loves you even more for locating the friend's marker...hugs, Pat in IN
A very touching story, Tanya..and I'm glad you saw it thru to the end..it was a nice thing to do for Tetsu..and I'm sure he loves you even more for locating the friend's marker...hugs, Pat in IN
Post a Comment