My friend at the Japanese sweet shop just had a new grandchild. This morning we were talking about the differences in customs for new mothers these days. Though it has been 30 years since my first baby, I thought I'd reminisce today (before it gets too far in the past that I forget!)With our first baby, I still didn't speak much Japanese and I remember visiting the doctor and having things explained to me and not really understanding much at all. And doctor offices then (and now!) often have an inner waiting room with other patients waiting just on the other side of the curtains. I distinctly remember thinking
"Everyone in this room is understanding this doctor's conversation with me, but ME!"
With one baby I remember the doctor consulting his calendar and announcing that I would be wrapped up in a long piece of gauze (in those days they didn't use girdles) on Dog's Day because dogs give birth easily. It didn't seem to be a very medically sound reason for choosing this day (and let me tell you, that gauze wrap was uncomfortable!) but that was what the custom was.With our first baby we wanted Tetsu be present at birth but we were the very first couple to make such a request and the doctor thought it a very odd American custom. No such thing as Lamaze classes so Tetsu, me and the hospital rolled with the punches. Young, first baby, not much Japanese language. I REALLY needed Tetsu there. With our other two children at different hospitals, for some reason they wouldn't let Tetsu attend the births.
"That's okay. I saw it once."
"Let me tell you, fella! It ain't for your observation!"
I managed the others alone.
In those days, though Western hospitals were letting mothers go home the day after having a baby, in Japan mothers were still being kept a week. I remember people being so surprised when Princess Diana was televised leaving a hospital with Prince William the day after he was born. My sweet shop friend's daughter-in-law came home after 5 days so things are changing in Japan too.
"They kick you out of the hospital these days because there are not enough beds to go around. Poor girl..."
And new Japanese mothers will go home to their own parents' house for a month to let their mother take care of them and the new baby. I've always thought it a shame that the father gets very little bonding time with his new baby that first month. Sometimes he will only visit the hospital after the baby is born and then a month later go to pick up his wife and baby.
At the very least, the new mother's mother will come to stay for a month to do all the laundry and cook and wash dishes etc. In the old days, it was supposed to be bad luck and bad for the health for a new mother to touch water. A new mother wasn't even supposed to bathe for a month. YUCK! You can be sure I threw out all those Japanese customs right away. Tetsu mother came and helped for a week or so but we had our own tiffs about how this new baby was going to be cared for (does the baby sleep face down or face up?) and Tetsu's mother gave up quickly, went home and let me make my own American mistakes...
I think I'll go upstairs and think about making a baby quilt for my friend's grandchild.
11 comments:
A very dear friend asked me to be one of her Lamaze coaches when both of her children were born. Her husband was the other coach, of course. It was an absolutely wonderful experience! Of course, I wasn't the one doing all the hard work of pushing the babies out into the world.
Yikes, wrapped in gauze!
When my first son was born, I went to my mother-in-law's house for a week - she took very good care of both of us, what a blessing she was!
Right, yikes to the binding! They didn't do that here in the states. I had my first baby 38 years ago, yikes! Baby #1 is going to be 40 in 2 years, how did that happen so fast???
Oh yes, I remember those belly bands (and the heat rash under them)The doctor never made it to the birth, let alone my husband. In fact, the only time my husband even got to the hospital the same day was for my fifth child ... first boy ... and he made an absolute fool of himself running around with the camera.
Boy, I like it better in the USA. I had my first 22 years ago. At least I had BOTH sets of grandparents only a few miles away. It was GREAT! I highly recommend it.
Now days new mothers get kicked out of the hospital so fast because that's all insurance will pay for. And if they don't have insurance that's all they can pay for. I think I got 3-4 days with both my kids. Of course that's over 40 and 35 yrs. ago.
Son muy interesantes las costumbres japonesas. Muchas gracias por acercarnos tanto a tan bella cultura. Besos desde España
I would have loved having my mom with me for a month! HA! I went home and was on my own with my hubby at work. I got 7 days because I had a c-section. Went back to work 8 weeks later!
Times do change
Very, very fascinating post.
Many years ago while in another life and wearing a different hat here in the US, I was a Certified Childbirth Educator. I also taught parent education at various universities in the area. We were at the beginning of the prepared childbirth movement. Note I said prepared, not natural. Although the objective was to have as little medication as possible, medication was available as needed. A prepared mother needed little or no medication when in the hospital with husband and both had received childbirth education during the pregnancy.
Anyway, the point of what I first started writing is that after the child was born, it was stressed that the parents take care of the child and let helpful relatives do laundry, clean, and prepare meals. Breastfeeding was encouraged as was bonding with both parents. And, bathing for everyone was VERY important! ;)
Just love your post! The differences in customs are so very interesting.
Hugs,
Lois
My son was born 24 yrs ago. He arrived at 2 pm. I was dismissed at 9 am the next morning but couldn't leave with my son because in the state of Texas at that time the baby had to be in the hospital for at least 24 hrs before they can leave. So in their infinite wisdom a woman in discomfort had to sit around a hospital waiting room for hours just to take their baby home. More of the medical community needs to walk a mile in our shoes. They might get it then.
Ah. Babies. My first was born 47 years ago. No natural birth (my ob thought that an insane idea!). I nursed, but no one had a clue how to help me. Two days in the hospital after the birth (one day in the day before). Second, also two days. And no babies IN your room either time. My mother came to help after the second, because by then, the two year old was bouncing off the walls. Hubby both times in the labor room, but no further. I sent him home the first time because having to comfort him was more trubble than it was worth when I had other stuff on my mind, so to speak, lol!
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