Our Lemi isn't doing too well. We've fixed up an "intensive care" box for her and are keeping close watch but...This is an emotional subject but let me tell you of my dilemma. We once had an extremely old dog that did not have a peaceful passing. I feel guilty about that because I could have stood my ground and insisted she be put to sleep. My vet knew my feelings but when it came down to making the decision I couldn't take her in for the shot. Euthanasia is not the norm in Japan though it is not all that uncommon. The vet will do it for you if you ask but it is not suggested from his point. The problem is that Tetsu is of a different mind than I am. He agreed that the old dog should have been put out of its misery but at the time we didn't think the process would go on as long as it did.
Now with Lemi. I think both of us and the vet think that Lemi's life isn't going to last much longer. She is 13 and has been in poor health since October. The other animals are cruel to her (part of nature, survival of the fittest) and I don't blame them but her life is not easy. Do we put her to sleep? I say, we need to think about it and it would be better than watching her waste away. Tetsu is adamantly against putting her down if she isn't in pain. "Dying is part of life Tanya. Humans put their animals to sleep not so much for the animal but because they don't want to watch the process." Tetsu may have a different view of death just because he works in a convalescent home and sees it daily, monitors the residents' last hours. (No he is not in the medical field but it is a small home and he is part of all the decisions, calling family members, staying with the deceased etc.)
This is just another difference in cultures. Japanese may see me as cruel since I consider euthanasia an option. Also with putting down an animal, my vet and most in Japan require that the family members be present at the moment claiming that it is the owners last responsibility to see the pet off. I honestly see their point. This is a heart breaking situation for me but it does go along with Tetsu's idea that life and death should be taken together.
On the other hand I consider many pet owners as cruel since because they will not do anything to ease a pet's passing and watching is so painful that the animal is left to die alone in the dog house or sometimes is even thrown out in the hills, a quick death and the owner doesn't have to watch. (I know, this is getting hard to read.) Historically Japanese took their old people to the hills and left them too so this isn't just cruelty to animals. It is part of the thinking.
That doesn't have much to do with our decision. Lemi isn't suffering. She may even get better but all the signs point the other way. She is both Tetsu and my cat and we both love her equally. Tetsu takes as much care for her when he's home as I do and maybe even more.
So do I take Lemi in and make the decision or do I wait and watch? I'm waiting and watching today. I guess I'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
21 comments:
Oh my goodness, I feel so bad for you. We went through this ordeal several years ago with our cat and I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. I wonder if there really is a "right" answer for you, Tetsu, and Lemi. I'll pray for all of you.
I too went thorough this process with my dog a few years ago. Pets are so much a part of the family that it truly is a time of grief when they are gone. I feel for you and Tetsu!
It is such a difficult time, let alone bringing in cultural reasons for and against. I am thinking of and Tetsu.
Since you have asked for opinions, here is mine: If Lemi is not in pain, not suffering, I would wait on having her put to sleep. If she begins to suffer and is in pain, then you should decide when the right time is to help her move on. I have had to do this too many times and it is never easy but I always seem to know one day that it is time to help them. My dogs and cats live in the house with me and are a part of the family, not just pets. So it is a painful thing to watch them suffer. I have gone both ways, sometimes I have them put to sleep and sometimes if they are not suffering, just slowly passing on, I let them die naturally, making their last days as comfortable as I can. Both ways are hard! I was walking my 6 year old dog once, she appeared very healthy and robust, she stopped to dig at a mole hill and suddenly yelped in pain, gave a howl that faded away, and keeled over dead. She had a heart attack. Well this was one of my hardest losses but in the long run, I think it was a bit easier to lose her as she was doing something she loved, taking a walk with me and digging in the dirt. She didn't linger long and suffer from arthritis or any of the many painful things our animals go through when they age. So I guess that you should trust your instincts and you will know if you need to take Lemi in to be euthenized. I'm sorry that you are having to go through this but it is all a part of having pets. Good luck to you in your decision. Sorry this is so long.
Jan in Oregon
I know either decision will be hard on you and Tetsu. I have had to have a dog put down due to a broken back..and had one run away never to be seen again. No matter what happens, I will keep you, Tetsu, and Lemi in my prayers.
My heart goes out to you. I know one day I'll have to face the same decision with my pets. Saying prayers for you and Lemi.
Oh Tanya, I'm so sorry you find yourself so torn. I had a cat euthanized in the fall. I'd do it again as she was in pain, and would not have ever recovered. I'm not sure if she weren't in pain I would have... Like Tetsu I see dying as part of life, and believe we often hide from it to save facing the reality of our own mortality. It is different for me when it as painful however. In people I believe in treating pain, even if it shortens life; in animals I believe in treating pain even if it means death...
You and Tetsu must follow your own hearts, for you must live with the decision you make.
What a difficult decision to make.
I can only tell you what I THINK I'd do if it were Chesty - I wouldn't have him euthanized because he was ill and going to die unless he was in pain.
Hopefully, you'll know when the time is right.
I'm so sorry you are having to face this. It's almost never an easy decision. I know with my last two cats even though they were in great pain (one who was 18 and had liver cancer, the other who was 14 and had stomach tumors), it still hurt. Dying is a part of life. I believe that completely. But I also believe that there is a point where trying to prolong that life is a disservice. I don't know that there is any easy answer. Hugs going out to both you and Tetsu.
Is Lemi the one who was friendly to Choco? I remember you said one cat was all cuddly to Choco, & he was puzzled.
I agree, it is a very hard thing to decide. I took my mother's old cat to be put to sleep. My mother could not bear to do it, but the cat was in such pain & misery, the vet said it was kinder. We all had a little weep, even though the old cat had always been a very bad tempered girl.
What a dilemma Tanya - I don't envy you. I'd personally go with keeping her going until she's in obvious distress and then easing her passage painlessly and humanely.
Ohh, such a horrible thing to think about. I just had to euthenize my border collie in November, but it was not much of a choice. She had a horrible accident and was left paralyzed. In my mind, it was the only way. She had no pain, but I knew she would not have been happy if she could not run and play. So I guess what you have to decide is what would the animal want. Does he/she enjoy their life despite their growing age? Does euthenasia save them from unhappiness and misery?
I think it is a very awesome responsibility to make the decision whether or not it is time to bring a life to an end, and I am sorry to hear that you are in this place now, Tanya. Even if you know in your heart that you are doing the right thing (and it doesn't sound as if you are QUITE there yet), it is still very, very difficult. Try to remember back in Genesis where God gave mankind dominion over the animals, and I believe this to include making these sorts of decisions for beloved pets. Love, Nancy, NP
anything I could say would only echo what the other kind ladies have already said. I'm sending you hugs and hoping for some answers to reveal themselves to you. So sad.
This is definitely not an easy thing. My husband and I went through the same experience a few years back when our cat, Salem, was diagnosed with cancer of the jaw. I agree that as long as Lemi isn't in pain, she may still have time left to spend with you and the family. Unfortunately, animals are very good at hiding the pain. I think you'll know what to do when the time comes. We'll be praying for you!
Sincerely,
Leigh
I’ve been lurking, enjoying your view of Japanese life. We had to put down our 20 year old cat a couple of months ago. As we spoke with the Vet we discussed that fact that animals cannot see the end of their suffering like humans can. They just know that they are in pain now. This thought helped us make the difficult decision. The other point that the vet made was that cats are very good at hiding their pain, nature’s way of not showing weakness. I’m sorry about your cat and good luck.
Shawn
That certainly is a touch decision. I can't give you any advice - I don't have any pets. I wish you the best in your decision-making process.
I am definately praying for you. That is just the worst thing about having pets, letting them go. Making the decision. It is so hard!
How can we know how much pain our pets are in? It is a question I have struggled with 3 times--having had 3 pets pass away on their own. Each time I AGONIZED over the decision to euthanise or not. They all passed on their own, my last pet only moments after I told her she could go on and that I would be fine. My heart totally breaks for you, and God will guide you. Each situation is different and the answer too. You will be in my prayer, Tanya!
Lots of Hugs!
Vanessa
That was hard to read.
I am glad Lemi is not in pain.
I came to your blog to read about quilting. By the time I finished reading this entry, I was crying for you. I went through this with my beloved Sasha. She was 16 and truly part of the family. In the end, she was not in pain, just very old, and dying. I watched her carefully, and sat with her when she passed. If I moved far from her side, she whimpered for me. She seemed to appreciate and need me there. If I had seen any true pain, I would not have hesitated to help her. Euthanasia is not cruel; it may be the final kindness you can do for your pet. Bless you and Lemi, I hope you have much more time together. I hope you can draw strength from family and friends, this is truly hard.
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