Thursday, March 05, 2009

Christian content… Some ramblings…

I don't know if I really want to post this but this is what I've been thinking recently.

The other day Leiya was on chat and was very upset with college life in general. She is applying for scholarships and though I don't know what the process is, she seems to be having trouble. A frantic cry from across cyberspace.

"I haven't gotten any scholarships. What am I going to do? I think I'm going to have to take off from college for a year and work. I got a lot of scholarships for my freshman year and if I don't get any this year then how are you going to pay my college expenses?"

It wasn't until a couple of days later that Tetsu and I actually had a chance to talk with Leiya and I contemplated how we should go about reassuring her. "Don't worry. Everything will be alright." seemed too flip.

And I have no idea if everything will be alright. Trying to keep two kids in college has been a major concern but we are entering our 6th year of this and somehow we've managed so far. Not somehow. By God's grace and guidance and abundant gifts.

This is the essence of living by faith. I have no idea where the money to keep Leiya in school is going to come from. Tetsu can't take on a second job that's for sure and as an English teacher in Japan I make at least as much money as I would if I were working in an office or the supermarket or someplace. And to be perfectly honest, I like the schedule I have now. I don't WANT to work more even if I could. I make a decent amount of money for an over-the-hill housewife.

I do know that when talking with Leiya I felt very sad that she had to think about these things and that she felt responsible for not making it easier on us to pay her college fees. That doesn't seem right to me but maybe I'm from a different generation. It seems that Leiya's job; the job of the young people going to college should be to be studying. To be trying to absorb as much knowledge as they can in the 4 years. To be trying to form their own opinions and theories so that they can someday have an impact on society. Leiya shouldn't have to have financial pressures on top of her study pressures. She should leave that to her parents. We're the ones who should feel responsible for keeping her in school and if we can't it is no fault of Leiya's. But actually Tetsu and I haven't given things too much thought. Our kids just tell us when things need to be paid and we seem to find the money somewhere to pay the bills (thanks to the scholarships!) Both our kids try their best to make life easy for Tetsu and me and both Takumi and Leiya are extremely thrifty, and very grateful and it makes it easy for us to want to keep them in school.

God opens doors and performs miracles. It was a miracle that Leiya got scholarships last year in the first place. Tetsu and I never expected that at all. There just isn't that system in Japan and so when she told us that so much money had come through for her we truly thought of it as a blessing from God. If money doesn't come through this year, well, okay. We've had our blessings and not receiving more doesn't diminish the ones we've already received. If the doors close for Leiya's college, that doesn't necessarily mean that she didn't do enough or we didn't do enough. It is God leading her in another direction. Leiya's desire and Tetsu and my desires are for her to continue school but if it doesn't work out that way then I'm sure she will find that whatever way she is lead will be the right one.

So Tetsu and I tried to tell all this to Leiya when we were talking to her.

"Don't worry about it. It is not your problem. Your job is to study hard and do the classes and projects and papers that are in front of you as best you can. The money problem is OUR problem. Your thinking about it doesn't change the problem one bit. If you can apply to scholarships, fine. If they don't come through, fine. It doesn't reflect on you at all."

I don't know that Leiya felt relieved by talking with us or not. Her future is still up in the air.

And I went away from the conversation thinking, "Okay. Now it is up to us. Tetsu and I have got to figure out how we're going to pull this off. Now he and I will stay up nights trying to work out a plan."

But wait. What did I just say to Leiya.

"Don't worry about it. It is not your problem. Your job is to do what is in front of you to the best of your abilities. Don't worry about money and extra jobs and what might or might not come about. Worrying doesn't change the situation a bit. Leave it to….God. Tanya, leave it to God. He knows what you desire. He's set you all on your path already and He's taken you through this far. He is the only one who has the ability to tweak the situation. If the door closes that is okay too. It just means that there is another direction. GOD IS IN CONTROL.

My thoughts in some of the mundane problems of life. At least today. Some days I am wringing my hands and adding up figures and trying to tell God how to make our lives easier.


CT said...

Tanya, God indeed is in control. Otherwise, how is it that you wrote exactly what I needed to read, today that I am worrying about how are we going to make ends meet this month. God Bless you, dear Tanya. I'm sending you a hug and my gratitude

Nancy said...

As though God can't do the math! I love this, Tanya. This was beautifully written and a great explanation of faith.

Mimi said...


It's not easy to let go and let God. It's true, God has His plan in place for you, your husband and your daughter.

May peace be with you and your faith guide you.

Your words were beautifully written and your message came across perfectly. Thank you for sharing this special part of your life.

mariel said...


It is wonderful to hear how you have such faith in the Lord. You are right when you say "God makes our paths."
I will be praying for you and your family, that His will be done and that the money will appear for your daughter. God's blessings to you.

Diane said...

It is true the hardest part in "be still and Know that I am God" is the being still part. We are to rest in Him, not wrestle Him. I am praying for peace for your family.

Margret said...

Tanya, kids and parents shouldn't have to worry about college fees. It is a shame that higher education is so expensive in the US. I hope for all the parents with kids out there that the new government will keep its promise and make college affordable again.

Mrs. Goodneedle said...

It's this kind of faith that moves mountains... well written, Tanya!

Bobbie Bentneedle said...

Some time ago, my cousin added a signature line to her emails... I cannot begin to tell you how many times that signature line just jumps out at me when I most need to be reminded!

"Good Morning,
This is God.
I will be handeling ALL your problems today! I will not be needing your help. So have GREAT DAY!"

dianne said...

i have a ME cup inscribed with "worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles ... it empties today of its strength" ...... i just went looking for my cup so i wouldn't mess up the quote ... i searched all over the house and couldn't find it ... because it was right above the computer the entire time, hiding in plain sight, and waiting for me to look up and take notice ... just like Spirit.

Katie said...

Worrying can be the way to figure out problems. Too much worry can be a handicap but some can act as a great motivator. Earning money while going to school also is a great way to learn. Has your DD looked into help at her college for getting a job? I know times are really hard now but she can probably find something for the summer and maybe keep it part time when her classes start again in the fall. All my kids worked both in high school and in college. It never hurt their grades or activities and taught them life lessons such as compassion and responsibility. There are many paths.....

Anonymous said...

thank you for
this heartfelt blog

Laurie Ann said...

Not all kids are lucky enough that their parents are able/willing to pay for their tuition. When I went to school I took out student loans which I paid off once I got a job. Perhaps that's what she needs to do. I work at a University and that is more the rule than the exception.

roger said...

Thinking of your family today and may God work every situation out for your family....It is so good to know that, "Our help cometh from the Lord who never slumbers or sleeps." Your writing today is very well written.
Bless you my Friend,

andsewitis Holly said...

Very well written, Tanya. Times are tough right now but God is in control.

Anonymous said...

We too are beginning to think of the cost of education.

Our oldest going to college next year. God is in control. Whether it be living at home and going to the community college OR the more expensive state school. Depends if he passed his audition.

But right now I'm depressed at the idea of spending money on getting the drains back in working order in my kitchen. That is after getting the brakes fixed yesterday.

Mary said...

I do think that things will work out no matter what happens but I'm not sure I agree that parents are responsible for paying for college.

I came from a large family and between some scholarships, working, and loans, I paid my own way because my parents couldn't afford to pay. We ended up making my son get a student loan to pay just a part of his costs because he needed to have something invested in the process. So many kids today don't study and finish school on time because someone else is paying and they have nothing invested. We're lucky, both my boys went to college and graduated -- Chris with a 4 year degree, Adam with a Culinary Diploma and both are out supporting themselves.

It will work out - maybe just not the way you planned.