I could make you a list of the things that I think I need. A new computer. A new digital camera. A new sewing machine. But what really is a necessity? I will need a new whatever when this one breaks down and I can foresee that if I suddenly had to do without then I would be in big trouble. But is this really a need? At least right now is it a need? It's more of a want.
I want a new computer in case this one breaks. It would be nice to have a faster more up to date one. But it's not a necessity yet.
I need a new camera. For the same above reasons. ...just in case. But the one I have is working still. It isn't a need yet is it?
A new sewing machine. (What? She's never mentioned this one before.) Well, I've been using the one I have for quite a while... Then yesterday I found a newer, better, stronger one. One I could drool over and would make my sewing so much more beautiful! Do I need it? No. Do I want it? Definitely yes! Here we come to the word deserve.
I don't like the word deserve. A couple years ago when I was visiting the States I heard it a lot. "You deserve it. Go ahead! Splurge! Eat it! Buy it! Do it!" But do I deserve any of the treats in life? There are a lot of people who have nothing and suffer through their days. Do they deserve any of that?
The old hymn comes to mind, Count Your Blessings. God has blessed me beyond belief with material and immaterial things, yet I can talk myself into believing I deserve more. Using the word deserve makes me feel like my want will turn into my need and it is okay to satisfy the need. I feel it's okay to break my budget, my convictions, my self-control. "You've stayed on your diet for two days. You deserve the ice cream." "Go ahead you deserve it, you've scrimped and saved enough." "It's something you need and use. You deserve a new whatever."All these nice toys will stay on my wish list. If one of my old ones breaks, you know I'll be knocking at the store door the minute it opens! But I have other commitments for my money that I need to fulfill for the next few years so I'm going to try to stay away from the deserve mentality for awhile. This may not seem very smart economically to some people. Buy when something is on sale not when you absolutely need it and can only get it at full price. But I don't have enough self-control to stay on that plan very long. I can talk myself into anything! I'm also not promising to not buy any of the toys on my wish list (don't hold me to any of this!) I'm not planning to be a martyr! I may even try to put aside a little Just-For-Me money. (In Japan we call this hesokuri.) And when it comes to the smaller things in life that give me enjoyment, FABRIC for one, then I intend to add a little here and there just to put a smile into my day!
10 comments:
Very wise words Tanya. So many of us have very rich lives, and because we're always striving for other things, we forget to be happy about what we already have.
*hugs*
Tazzie
:-)
Oh Tanya, I love your posts, you are so wise and so right. Want and need are very different things.
I've lived what others term a "lifestyle of simplicity" for many years. Your understanding of want, need and deserve really resonates. I deserve nothing. I've found as I make the distinction between want and need more and more clearly, there are fewer and fewer things on either list... I have "wants", but choose not to fulfill them at this time, as I don't want them enough. My needs -- food, clothing shelter, some kind of transportation -- there I have more than the basic need truth be told (I do not live in a refugee camp, I do not eat only one meal a day, I do not walk everwhere).
Some of it I think is about whom one compares oneself to. Many of our wants and needs are influenced by culture. If the "culture" I tap into is less well off than I am, I want and need less; in North America the predominate media culture sells a better off culture -- that means I'm encouraged to want and need even more...
Very thought provoking today Tanya - when you consider the lot of our foremothers we're really very privileged - and often forget this in the affluent world we inhabit. I love the japanese term for 'just-for-me' money
You touched a nerve with me today. I've been bothered by the idea that I should tell myself I "deserve" all sorts of nice things, which seems to come mainly from marketing and, to a certain extent, American pop psychology. When I think in more Christian terms and I realize that what I actually deserve is not good things, I am brought back to thankfulness for the many good things I have in spite of the fact that I don't deserve them. I am happier without the sense of entitlement that comes from thinking I deserve good things, and I suspect my family and friends like me better without that sense of entitlement, too.
Anyway, I really appreciate your post today.
My comment is like Prairie Princess's: As a Christian, I KNOW what I deserve, and am so thankful NOT to be getting it!
American consumerism is so blatantly out of control . . . .
Very lovely and wise post, Tanya ! You have just put words on some of my feelings, these days... When it comes to buying something (I mean house equipment "gadgets", new fashion things to "improve your living" ... at least, so they are saying), I always try to keep waiting, at least three days ("sleep on it", as my grandmother said), then I ask myself "is it a need, or a fancy ? Do I want it to use it, or simply to HAVE it ?", and sometimes I even say a little prayer, to avoid impulsive buying... It works ! Usually, I forget about it and change my mind (except for fabric ! LOL).
Speaking about fabric, I used to buy so much (and often !), before ! It even became compulsive, I think ! Then, not so long ago, I carefully noted each fabric expense during one month... and opened big eyes ! Now, I put aside a little Just-For-Me money (hesokuri), and spend it with joy, but carefully, at the quilt shop.....
(I also make some deals with myself : for the moment I have to loose some weight, so I allow myself one yard fabric for each pound that I loose - and put the money in my tiny treasure box... I have already lost 12 pounds... WOW what a quilt ! LOL LOL)
Hugs & smiles !
NADINE
I think of the pioneer women, who toiled so hard & long. The word deserve would never have entered their thoughts!
It is overindulgent consumerism that has taught us to think in those terms. Sad.
What a nice post Tanya!
As always, your words of wisdom are well written and they do speak truth; and most of us need to be reminded from time to time. Thank you.
Such a thoughtful post, Tanya. I can't believe it's been so long since I've dropped by. I have been trying to live simply and not get into the consumerism too. It's not always easy, but at least now when I splurge, my purchases total much smaller numbers.
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