Thoughts

Thank you for your thoughts. I'm on the mend and up and about again.

So what have I been thinking about the past three days? Not too much. Worrying about things that weren't getting done, reading old books and as you know contemplating the blessings of having a good husband.

Just before I came down with my cold my neighbor informed me that she and her husband had gotten divorced. This was a big surprise to me because they had seemed like such a happy family; mom, dad, two children, a cat and three dogs. My neighbor told me about some of the reasons and in some ways they seemed valid. It must be absolute hell to live continually in a situation where love has been replaced with disdain and contempt.

For years divorce in Japan was unheard of. Families married, not young people. Marriages were arranged (and in many cases still are by the way!) and the newly married couple learned to love each other. A bride was officially given to her husband's family and daughter-in-law and parents-in-laws lived together. When I first came to Japan I wondered about this situation. Often it didn't look like love was in a marriage but rather a weary acceptance on both sides. It was difficult for women to go back to work after having children so even if a woman wanted to get out of an unhappy situation there was no way for her to support herself. Children were considered the husband's family's "property" so a woman who wished for a divorce had to leave her children behind too.

This has changed though and now divorce is prevalent everywhere. Most women have to work anyway these days to help pay off the home loans and children's education and in general Japanese women are becoming very independent and vocal. However, there is still the men's society and the women's society in Japan and couples don't seem to do much together once children are born. Everyone works long hours, children are shuffled to different after school lessons, and I don't think there are many chatty dinners over the dinner table with mom, dad and the kids. This was true in my family too and yes, Tetsu and I had some ups and downs in the past too. What I'm saying is that the divorce rate is rising in Japan though it isn't as high as it is in the States.

Although I was surprised at my neighbor's admission about her marriage, thinking about it I realize that there were signs. The 6th grade boy is no longer cheerful when he comes to English. He has a "I couldn't care less" attitude towards everything (I thought it was the pre-teen rebelliousness.) He rides in with his mother and sister from a new apartment and is often late going to school as is his sister. She can no longer ride her bicycle to school with her friends because she might make them all late so I've seen her making the lonely ride by herself. And even the animal situation has declined. The dogs bark long into the night, lonely I'm sure with no children around. I've found one dog roaming the neighborhood twice, he doesn't get a regular walk anymore. The cat sits meowing by the front door waiting for someone to come home and feed it.

So sad for all concerned. There's certainly nothing I can do or say to help this once cheerful family. I'm more grateful than ever for what I have and I pray that Takumi and Leiya will someday be able to make and maintain their own happy families.