"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
Proverbs 19:11
I'm a pretty slow tempered person (I think. Ask my husband and kids. I may be wrong.) I can't think of many people that I haven't been able to forgive. A few I've had to work at. A few I've agreed in my mind to disagree with. Basically I try not to take offense even if there might be grounds...
When Tetsu and I were married 30 years ago, Tetsu's family was surprised but they cheerfully accepted a foreigner becoming part of their family. I even lived with Tetsu and his mother the first couple months and she lived with us for a couple months a few years later. This didn't work out that great but I'd say we have a good relationship. I probably should go over to see Tetsu's mother more than I do...
Tetsu's older brother lives in another prefecture. We only see him once every three or four years. Tetsu's sister lives in the next town over but we only see her once a year or less. I don't know where the problem started but the siblings do not get a long all that well. I think the rest of the family feels that Tetsu has distanced himself from them. I certainly hope they don't think I'm responsible but they might. So this weekend, the brother and his wife came to visit Tetsu's mother but Tetsu had to work. Honestly I don't think he'd have gone even if he had been free. I had hoped to do some sewing after church but people are more important the projects so I went by myself to visit with the family instead.
I would like to say to all of them (including my wonderful husband),
"Let by-gones be by-gones. We are all getting up in years and it seems such a waste to hold grudges or be stubborn about some long ago hurt."
But I don't say my thoughts. The last thing I need is Tetsu getting upset with me for sticking my nose into business I know nothing about. I just sat and smiled and listened to family stories. I was a little concerned that Tetsu wasn't going to be happy about my even visiting, but he seemed very grateful that I'd made the effort and he asked about what was going on in everyone's life.
Relationships need work, don't they?
I would like to say to all of them (including my wonderful husband),
"Let by-gones be by-gones. We are all getting up in years and it seems such a waste to hold grudges or be stubborn about some long ago hurt."
But I don't say my thoughts. The last thing I need is Tetsu getting upset with me for sticking my nose into business I know nothing about. I just sat and smiled and listened to family stories. I was a little concerned that Tetsu wasn't going to be happy about my even visiting, but he seemed very grateful that I'd made the effort and he asked about what was going on in everyone's life.
Relationships need work, don't they? "Work hard at living in peace with others."
1 Peter 3:11
9 comments:
Good of you, Tanya to visit your in-laws. And glad to hear Tetsu was not upset with you for doing so. Perhaps next time he would want to reconcile with his siblings when they visit again!
We always say it's a good job you can choose your friends because you can't choose your relatives - just because you're related doesn't necessarily mean you will automatically like each other or get along well
Sometimes it needs someone else to make the peace. I remember that my grandmother didn't talk to any of her sisters for about fifty years, until my mother made a real effort to get them all together on my grandmother's 80th birthday. They were all so pleased to be together again, but it wouldn't have happened without my mother sorting things out for them.
I think it is great that you went to visit with the family. It certainly seems like Tetsu is ready to forgive and forget. I think sometimes it does take a third person to get the two parties together - so neither has to lose his pride and be the one that asks for the forgiveness.
You are a blessing to this family rather they recognize that or not, relationships do need work... like tending a garden... left untended the weeds will take over and choke out the rest. Bless you for your insight and understanding.
Good for you for going, Tanya. I hope they all can reconcile before it's too late.
Tanya,
Your sincere smile is so warm that is can melt away any tension..Bless you for your good deed to Tetsu's family. Most all families have gone through these situations with their relatives for various reasons. I'm always reminded of the verse..."How can we(I) say that we love God whom we have not seen, when we can't even love our brother that we have seen. I agree with you.
Take care!
Liz
With siblings, sometimes after you're grown you just don't have that much in common. And perhaps it's better to love them from a distance but not be with them so often, in case that lack of commonality become conflict.
You did a good thing trying to bridge the gap by representing your side of the family at the get-together, but it's up to Tetsu if he wants an ongoing relationship with his siblings. In this case maybe you can lead by example.
where's Vel!?
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