Maya was born with health problems that weren't caught until a week after her birth. This means we brought her home after the required week in the hospital, had one night with her at home and the next night we were racing from hospital to hospital trying to find out what had gone so terribly wrong. Emergency surgery was performed with very little hope that she would live and we called our pastor to come and baptize her at 4:00 am. I remember the dear man arriving in his pajamas!
When I recall now, I wonder how we got through those days. My Japanese was limited and there were so many things I didn't understand. Tetsu's mother came to help because in Japan all those soiled sheets and diapers had to be taken home to be washed. She scrubbed those things until they were pure white and even the nurses were surprised at how clean the laundry was that I brought back each day.
To make a long story short, Maya didn't live past the second month. More customs to be dealt with like being handed a lifeless baby and told to go home and have another. Cremation ceremonies that I didn't think I could bear. Away from family though they urged me to come home. But I kept thinking that Tetsu was experiencing the same grief. How could I leave him even for a few weeks to relieve my own sorrow?
For a while I stubbornly said I would never have children again and Tetsu was fine with that. We never fell away from our faith though we certainly questioned God for awhile. When Takumi was born three years later I'm surprised we didn't smother him with worry and fear! It's amazing that he turned out fairly normal! And with Leiya, we tried to make sure that she never felt that she was a replacement for another daughter.
Maya's short life is a part of us that we never forget, but it is hard to just add to the conversations... "by the way... our first child..."
I'm grateful for all three of my children and the lessons I've learned through their lives.
18 comments:
Oh, Tanya! I SO want to read this post -- but after the first two paragraphs, I'm not getting letters; I'm getting symbols -- wrapped gifts, circles, shields, checkerboards, spiderwebs, face..... I think you need to call it back briefly! Love, me
Oh my goodness. I can not even imagine loosing a child, let alone an infant. Thank-you for sharing this with us. It is healing to remember those who have left us. What a day. Enjoy and take care of yourself.
Tanya, I can't imagine anything more painfully difficult than losing a child. I am happy that you were blessed later with Takumi and Leiya, two beautiful children. Love, Connie
Dear Tanya, I am glad that you decided to tell us about such a sad event in your life. Bloggers shouldn't only have to write about happy, and as you say "upbeat" events. Our lives exists of happy and sad occasions, they should have a place in our blogs if we chose to and want to share them with others. Thank you for sharing this story with all of us and I wish you lots of strenght today. Take care.
I am so sorry. you are in my thoughts.
Tanya, dear, I'm so sorry about the little Maya, and I keep you is my thoughts and prayers, especially today...
BIG ((HUG)) to you !
NADINE
Tanya, my dear friend, what a dreadful thing to have to endure. I was widowed at 29 and remember spending the last week of his life in intensive care with him and his parents. As terrible as it is to lose your partner it must be many, many times worse to lose a child at any age in any circumstances. When you marry someone you know deep down that at some point in your future one of you will go before the other, very few couples pass away together. However never in your darkest dreams do you ever think your child will go before you it's just not in the ordained order of things. While your other two children will never replace your firstborn I'm sure being able to have them has given you some comfort. I'm holding you in my heart today - thank you for being strong enough to share - love to you both.
Losses of loved ones get easier to bear -- but they are never easy. {{{{hugs}}}} And thank you for sharing.
I really just can't imagine losing a child, you are so strong to blog about this, my thoughts are with you, God Bless
Kerry
many hugs dear friend
Tanya, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Everyone has expressed all the things I thought to say. I'll keep you close in my thoughts today.
Dear Tanya I'm sorry to read about Little Maya.
Hugs
ciao ciao
Dear Tanya & Tetsu, I'm so sorry about the loss of little Maya. I can't imagine how painful this must have been for the both of you. You are in my thoughts today and remember a very special angel is up there in Heaven, looking out for all of you.
Hugs,
Una
Wow, Tanya, that must have been the hardest thing you have ever had to experience. We don't expect our children to go before we do. Hugs to you and thanks for sharing that!
Tanya, I'm sorry you had to suffer the loss of a child. It must be the worst thing. I'm happy you have two more wonderful children to fill your life, but Maya will always be your first.
Oh Tanya, I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I'm glad you did tell us - there are all sorts of things that happen in life, and mentioning things like this make you real, human. If we pretend the bad things don't happen, then people will think our lives are perfect and will be jealous!
I have an aunt who lost a daughter, and I often wonder how she answers the question "How many children do you have?" I would think the grief would come up unexpectedly at the oddest times.
As an nurse I worked in both Labor and Delivery and in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit and it was always heart wrenching when babies died. As much as I love blogging it is sometimes hard for me to decide how much to share. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that writing about Maya is helpful.
Tanya,
I am so sorry for your loss of your precious baby. Time has given you the grace to share your loss and help others see their way through their own grief. May God's perfect peace be upon you always!
Much love,
Vanessa
Post a Comment