In the mornings, recently Choco and I have been making a peaceful stop at the cemetery across the street. It is a privately owned cemetery, not affiliated with a temple or church, and it is very well kept. There are little gazebos with stone tables and chairs. There is a water place for filling buckets and washing utensils and here and there around the grounds are these cute little stone animals. The cemetery itself is surrounded by forest and not many sounds of the everyday world come through.
This morning Choco and I made our appearance at a little after 6:30 and we enjoyed the tweeting birds and the patter of a drizzly rain. Not long after we got there a little grandma (obaachan) showed up on her bicycle and she proceeded to attend to her family grave as is the custom. Her bicycle basket was loaded with small colorful chrysanthemums and it looked like she had a couple soft drink cans.
As I watched from a distance the obaachan parked her bicycle and started taking out the metal cups and trays that are built into the stone for the purpose of holding flowers and incense. The obaachan washed her cups and trays and then cut her flowers to the appropriate length and carried them back to the grave along with a cemetery bucket and ladle. Once at the grave again she started splashing water all over the gravestone and then arranged her flowers and the drink cans. Finally with a rag she lovingly polished the crevices and carved places in the gravestone. Choco and I left about then but most likely the obaachan put the bucket and rag back at the washing station, lit some incense and spent a short time in prayer. I wouldn't be surprised if this was at least a weekly routine for her.
To Japanese, the visiting and caring of the grave is very important. Cremation is the norm in Japan so many generations of ancestors' ashes may rest there and it is the duty of the living to care for the ancestors just as it is the duty of the ancestors to watch over and protect the decendents. There are certain days set apart in the year when everyone visits family graves, and there are individual dates relating to memorial services for the deceased that continue for decades. A proper Japanese will visit the gravesite regularly and bring flowers, sweets, drinks and incense.
Tomorrow I will be spending a couple of days in the city where I first lived when I came to Japan and where Tetsu and I were married. It is also the town where we have our own grave (our first daughter's ashes are there) but I doubt that I will have a chance to visit the cemetery. I find my own feelings very interesting. As an American (or maybe my upbringing) whether or not I visit the cemetery isn't very important. My loved one is in my heart, but as a pseudo-Japanese it disturbs me that we haven't been to the grave or even the city, in the past 3 years. And here I will be traveling quite a distance to the city but I won't have access to a car and anyway I'd rather spend the time there laughing and chatting with old friends. So I'm not planning on doing any grave visiting.Anyway, I'll be away for a couple of days but hope to take lots of picture of beautiful Northern Japan while I'm gone. See you in a couple of days!
11 comments:
hope you have a safe and rejuvenating trip.
I don't visit my father's grave each time I go home and this past trip to Washington DC was the first time we'd been to my FIL's burial site in the 3 years since he died. I think about them both frequently and I've gotten in the habit of lighting candles for them both when I visit churches or cathedral. Everyone remembers loved ones in their own way. Enjoy your trip.
Our local cemetery is a regular visit for me on my local walks, and we always love to visit cemeteries/graveyards when we visit other places. They are strangely peaceful and comforting. I have family buried in several different places and rarely get to visit, but don't feel the need. I can sense my parents and grandparents in my heart.
Enjoy your trip Tanya.
I find it rather strange, that, though I have no religion, I do try to visit my grandparents grave whenever I can. Also my father's grave. My mother was cremated, but we put her ashes with her parents at the gravesite.
Tanya, I hope you enjoy your trip.
I think southern Americans visit cemetaries more than the rest of the country. There is a family cemetary on my mother's relative's property where the Cyrus family reunion is held, and that day finishes by gathering there to reminisce about those who have passed away, sing hymns, and hear a word by one of the ministers in the family. The family members go to the cemetary regularly other times to see that everything is in order, bring flowers and perhaps just sit. It seems a very southern thing to me.
Tanya,
Have a great visit to Northern Japan....so beautiful. Interesting report about the Japanese cemeteries. I love to remember the good times had by family members that have passed on. Our deceased are buried in different areas of the U.S. My husbands parents are buried at Arlington National Cemetery and we like to take the time to visit. It is very humbling to go there and look out over the many white cross markers, all in perfect form.
Thanks for sharing another Japanese custom.
There is hardly ever any water sources in the cemeteries around here. Most of them are very dry. Genealogists are told to bring water bottles to clean the gravestones if they need cleaning before photographing.
I do hope you enjoy your trip. It was nice to hear about a Japanese custom I was previously unaware of!
Dionne
Enjoy your trip! I haven't not visited my Sister's grave in a very long time. To me she is not there, as I beleive she is up in heaven. I am sure my Parents would like it if I visited it more as I live much closer to the grave site then they do.
I don't know if a cemetery all over the world is on consecrated ground or not. Here in Australia they are , a custom from our English forbears. I visit the graves of my parents and grandparents every couple of years. I like cemeteries, the inscriptions all tell a story and as a Christian give hope to eternal life.
My Dad is a caretaker of a small cemetery, he often tells me about observing customs and traditions carried out by family members when they visit the graves. I am like you, I don't need to go to a place to remember or converse with a loved one now gone, I do it whenever, wherever... witihin my own heart.
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