Yesterday I saw Japanese society first hand at its worst. I had to go to a Homeowners meeting last night because of my position as a traffic/safety officer. Last night's meeting was attended by all the neighborhood block heads, the Homeowners Association Chairman, co-chairmen, various officers and the Child-raising Association's Chairman (in this case a chairwoman). Maybe 25 people in all. The Child-raising Association's Chairwoman, Mrs. T also brought her 7 year old son Ken, who comes to me for English.
I never did understand the problem but somehow there was a misunderstanding between Mrs. T and the Homeowner Association. Fewer parents are taking part in the Child-raising Association, however, they still have duties that pertain to the children but also service the whole neighborhood; festivals and field trips etc. A request was made by Mrs. T to have the Homeowner Association take over some of the duties (she doesn't have man-power behind her) but boy, did she get jumped upon!
Do you know what I mean when I talk about a hen-pecking party? When one person does something that doesn't gel with the group and then everyone starts getting vocal, pointing fingers, accusing, words flare and feathers start flying around the room. A few people are indignantly and loudly discussing the irresponsibility of others, everyone is talking at the same time and most of the talk are attacks on the original person who made the unfavorable comment or did something out of the ordinary.
Last night's fiasco was aimed at Mrs. T and she was accused of being a shirker, being irresponsible, being a poor leader and an uncooperative follower. Mrs. T was defending herself but other attacks flew at her from all sides. A few of us sat and looked at the floor and one man tried to come to her defense, and he was attacked too. (He has always been ostracized anyway in the neighborhood so he probably figured a few more black marks could hardly hurt him).
"If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem."
My face grew red and I thought, "Here I am not saying a word and watching Mrs. T try to make people understand her position. For all she knows I'm silently accusing her also. I am part of the problem."
I really didn't understand the situation but I did understand that Ken was watching out of the corner of his eye as his mother was being verbally abused.
So in the midst of the flurry I whispered to Ken to come with me, tapped Mrs. T on the shoulder and told her I was taking him and walked out of the heated room. On the way home, holding my hand, Ken said,
"Everyone was angry at my mom."
"Your mom was pretty angry too. That's okay. She's strong! She was doing a good thing."
Ken and I went home and ate packaged cookies and read I SPY pages and played UNO for the next hour. When his mother came to pick him up she burst into tears and allowed me to give her a hug.
"I didn't cry in front of everyone. I held it in until now. I shouldn't have brought Ken to begin with. Thank you for taking him out of there."
I wasn't part of the solution but at least I didn't sit there and be part of the problem either.
14 comments:
It was a good thing that you removed the child. :-)
Sometimes it does no good to speak up, but you did a wonderful thing by taking Ken out. The poor woman!
Poor Mrs. T and Ken...She has the hardest job of all, Child Raising Chairperson. If everyone would be a committee of ONE on this most important part of the association, just maybe that might do more good than harm. A very big apology to Mrs. T is overdue from that crowd. Oh, the venomous tongue is certainly like a sword that destroys worse than a disease. James, Chaper 2 is a powerful chaper to read. So sad because you can't take back words that have been spoken. You did a good deed by taking Ken away.
This is only my opinion, but I strongly believe this.
I will pray that Mrs. T's hurts will heal quickly.
Love,
Liz
Bless you for removing that child from an unnecessary ugly scene.
Wow! What a meeting that must have been! I was under the impression that the Japanese were the politest of people... not so in meetings it seems. Well done Tanya...
'You did Good!' is just what my Dad would say!
I find as I get older I have less patience. Walking out quietly is a good solution. Ken is fortunate you were there. :-)
I think that you were the solution to a BIG piece of the problem. God bless.
You did a wonderful thing for Mrs T and Ken. I don't think "mob mentality" has any boundaries. I hope that she can get over the abuse and do what is best for her. At least she has you there to help her. Good job!
You did absolutely the right thing, Tanya! As a former elementary teacher and school principal, I can't tell you the number of times I've seen parents set very poor examples for their children. It's up to us as adults to do the right thing and help teach the next generation the morals and standards that they might not get at home.
You did perfectly Good for them, Tanya. How luckly Mrs.T was, just because you were there and you were the only person who could acept her tears and hugs.
I'm glad you got Ken out of there. He didn't need to see his mom treated like she was being treated!
Wow what a special person you are and how lucky for Mrs T and Ken. Removing him from the situation, explaining it to him in such a way and then spending special time with him. I only hope I would of perhaps had the courage and thought to do the same thing.
You are such a kind soul!
My, what an awful meeting to have to go through. Bless you for taking that little boy away from all that nastiness. And because you had Ken at your house Mrs. T had to come to you....where she got that hug she needed!
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